Writerly Ponderousness

Because there ought to be something here besides the entry WordPress wrote for me, and because I feel tapped out and uninspired, here’s a recent post from my personal blog:

So here’s my dumb thought process.  I write decently.  I know I write better than lots of people out there and I don’t write as well as lots of people out there, but I suppose that if I compared myself to the population as a whole there’d be a lot more people below me on the proficiency ladder.  I write tons better than I did 10-15 years ago.  I understand so much more about so many more writerly things now.  And yet, I’m still not good enough.

Good enough for what?

Glad you asked, because I often wonder if I’m the only one who’s nuts like this.  I have this thing where I have a bunch of ideas for things to write about.  And the reason I don’t write about any particular one isn’t because I’m all jazzed up and can’t decide which one I should do first, but it’s because I like them, and I don’t want to waste them.  (Incidentally, I am like this in other areas, ex: I never wanted toys that you could “use up”.  Like I had a doll that came with wash-out hair color and I almost never played with it because I didn’t want the hair color to be gone and the toy to lose what made it good.  So I just didn’t play with it and they hair color dried up and then got lost.  I have tons of fabric that I don’t want to cut into and use because I won’t have it for another project anymore, likewise with yarn and tons of other stuff.)  So I don’t want to waste what I feel is a really good idea since by waste I mean write it now when I’m sure to be better and more equal to doing it justice later on.  Then I don’t get any writing done at all, hence don’t improve… I don’t know.  I’m starting to get better about this as I start to really work on developing new ideas and start to realize that it’s ok to use some of these because I can always make more. 

See, that’s the mindset I don’t have.  I think of these potential stories or characters or lines that I’ve got stored up like gems that I’ve found.  Like they’re rare and precious and have value as loose stones.  But they really don’t.  And so the mindset I need to cultivate is to think of them more like cookies.  Cookies I make, and that I can make whenever I want, and eat all you want, I’ll make more.  And if you leave cookies in the jar because once you eat them they’re gone, what have you got?  Stale cookies.  Blech. 

There’s nothing I write that can’t be changed and made better.
There’s no way for me to completely ruin an idea as long as the Delete key exists.
I am god of my fictional world.
I am god of my fictional world.

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Filed under ideas, insecurities

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