Before I even get started, you should know the following:
- This post may be spoilery regarding Dragon Age Origins
- Parts of this post may not make a huge amount of sense if you don’t play DAO
- I’m pretty pissed off and will be following this up with ice cream
I haven’t played DAO for a while, but I’m moving into this hugely busy time that flows right into the holiday season that flows right into the school is closed for snow every time I turn around season. So it just seemed like I needed to be proactive in dealing with stress and that it was time to see what was going on in Ferelden.
I hadn’t played Dragon Age for a while, because when I play it, it’s all I do. But it was lovely to be back, despite all the blood splatter. And when the plot brought in things that had happened before, I really remembered the parts I had played before in character, like they were my memories. Which they are, but…you know?
Well, anyway, I started to feel kind of snippy at one point because I’m just like, look, why do I have to do every damned thing around this world? Seriously, I’m just recruited to fight these Darkspawn things, and then next thing I know, Alistair and I are the only Wardens left. And even though he’s been in it longer and knows more stuff, he’s totally willing to let me take over and make all the decisions. Damn.But that’s okay, because at least he appreciates me and he’s charming and amusing.
I know the writers say they drew on Xander for this character, but I never though of him as a Xander–because of my virulent dislike for
Xander. I think of him as much more Wash-like and try to look out for him and make sure he doesn’t get impaled on anything.
Anyway, yeah, every time I turn around, someone wants me to handle some other bit of business that is no killing Darkspawn. Dude, seriously? I’m everyone’s damned counselor, messenger, delivery girl, mediator, rent-a-cop, and I don’t know what all else. Basically, I’m the mom. I’m just supposed to do everything. Need the elves to help fight the Darkspawn? Fine, just solve their centuries old werewolf problem. Need the help of the Dwarves? Okay, just settle their political mess, get their next king crowned, and if that involves mucking around in creature infested caverns even the Dwarves themselves won’t touch, well, you’re the Warden, get to it. What the hell?
Okay, so I was glad it was getting to be time for the Landsmeet and I could finally call in some of these ridiculous favors I’ve been doing for the humans. Meanwhile Alistair’s still whining that he doesn’t want to be king. Well look, sweetie, if I were the royal bastard, I’d take the crown myself. But I don’t. And you know you don’t want to leave things in the hands of the guy who let all the other Wardens, your mentor, and the previous king get slaughtered, so man up. Anyway, I’ve got this totally under control. I may not be royal, but I was still born noble, so I figure Alistair and I can hook up and I can just going on running things, just like I’ve been running every damned thing since my family was killed and I got recruited into this crazy story.
And I know this is a game possibility, so it’s cool. Well, we get to the Landsmeet and things do NOT go as expected. Apparently I didn’t do ENOUGH favors. Really? Are you kidding me? Bloodshed ensues until the head mage chick puts a stop to it. Now you’d think at that point she could throw some support behind the Wardens. After all, we did spend a significant amount of time and energy saving her tower and her entire order from demons. But no. Next thing I know there’s going to be a duel for the crown.
Well, I tried to let Alistair fight his own battles, but it only took a few embarrassing defeats and reloads to realize that he wasn’t going to get it done. So fine, I’ll be his champion. I’m not going to fault him for this or cast aspersions on his manhood. Loghain is a seasoned general and kinda bad-ass, and maybe it just takes a little roguishness to get this done.
So after I brought him to his knees and he yielded the crown to Alistair, then Alistair wants to be a complete butthead in front of the entire assembly and not allow me show Loghain mercy and not allow a reasonable request that he be allowed to become a Warden. Because Alistair’s all “becoming a Warden isn’t a punishment, it’s an honor, and I won’t have it!” Oh, nice. Make him king and all of the sudden he wants to be all kingly.
So fine, I let Alistair have his way. I mean, isn’t the whole relationship about me doing what Alistair wants anyway? Except for these very few times when I just don’t have any other choice like in making him king.
So then, THEN, he comes to me right after that and HE FREAKING BREAKS UP WITH ME!!! Citing his need for a legitimate heir. And I’m apparently too tainted by the Darkspawn blood we had drink at our induction to the Grey Wardens to make a suitable heir bearer or some shit.
OMG, you guys, I was beyond pissed. He gave me that, “I have to make a clean break of it now because I love you and I won’t be able to do it later.” Grrrrrr…. And for once, I actually let him have it. Because really, why not? He was just done, just like that. And there was no talking to him. And then he has the nerve to walk off with “Alistair Disapproves -10.” He’s so lucky the game doesn’t let me have real free will so I could follow him and kick his ass (because you know I could) and give him -10 teeth.
After all I have done for this guy! I mean, seriously! Do you have any idea how much I have TRIED in this relationship? Do you have any idea how I have tip-toed around his delicate, virginal, Templar sensibilities? Maybe I was just crazy to think a Templar and a Rogue could ever make a thing work. Are we just another victim of superhero romance?
Yeah, so, obviously I’m still simmering over that. And when I get done simmering I’m going to go back, start over, fix what I did wrong, and make it come out so that he accepts the crown and me as queen, dammit. Because I lurv the idiot and this game is awesome.
Speaking guys I love and awesome things, just wanted to mention that today my husband and I have been married for 20 years. Here I am with my bridesmaids.